[Ed. Note- rex has a long and complicated history with the game of golf. He has always loved the game more than the game has loved him. While not very active in golf today, rex has played about 70 courses that have been ranked in the Top 100 in the world! By the way, his Achilles heel has always been his putting proficiency. He often adds that not one of his LPs has ever three-putted.]

I played St. Andrews Monday for the first time in 30 years!!

It was exciting.

It was inspiring.

It was lyrical (as you will learn.)

I was even complimented excitedly by staff at the end of my round, but more about that later…

On Monday, Kimberly, Hannah B and I took the early train from Edinburgh to St. Andrew’s.

We started with an excellent breakfast at the reimagined Russack’s Hotel looking out on the famous 18th hole before getting down to business.

The next stop was at the entrance to the St. Andrews Club (established in 1843.)

It was here in 1988, whilst playing the 18th, I hit a weak drive. My caddy John handed me my next club and directed me where to hit shot two to avoid the notorious “Valley Of Sin” in front of 18 that has ruined numerous British Open dreams.

I then proceeded to hit a massive shank of a 5 iron that went off like a rocket in the shape of a deranged banana. Somehow the ball managed to miss the cars that park precariously along the road beside the fairway.

However, my ball screamed into the open blue door of the said St. Andrews Club and ricocheted loudly inside. (Today, I can still hear that rattling in my head like a perfect snare beat.)

John (who had been caddying at St. Andrews since the time the Harold MacMillan administration ended in 1963) yelped and said he had never seen a shot enter the club with the door open in all his days at St. Andrews!!

[Ed. Note- you will not be surprised to know that rex has been proud of this bit of St. Andrews history ever since!]

John shuffled me along the fairway quickly. He dropped a ball much closer to the green for me to hit always with one eye on the entrance to the Club. Luckily no one was hit or came out to yell…

I had to stop for a nostalgic moment and remember the history and recreate the scene. Amazingly, they must have known I was coming because they left the door open in my honour!

Next, Kim and Hannah (damn near drunk with my incessant St. Andrews chatter about the history of golf, the history of the course and my other exploits, including, but not limited to the greatest bogey I ever made) opted out and went to explore the adjacent beach where they filmed “Chariots Of Fire.”

For me it was off to play the famous St. Andrew’s-

The Himalayas Ladies’ Putting Course that is!!

Now, full disclosure.

I have played the Old Course 5 times on two trips with mates. We stayed right on the edge of the course at Russacks and at The Old Course Hotel. We always said we would play the putting course after our round but never did. Now, I had my chance to fill in this significant gap in my golfing past!

4£ later, I was equipped with a scorecard, ball and what most call a putter. I needed one last thing to complete my round…my Bose headphones.

Then it was on to play (albeit as a solo).

The music had to be chosen as carefully as my reading of the tricky putting surface.

The selection- none other than my favourite Scottish band – The Jesus & Mary Chain.

The album I selected was their 1994 “Stoned And Dethroned”.

If I do say so, it was the perfect choice as 1994 was the same year I last played St. Andrews! In keeping with the solemnity of St. Andrews, please note it was also the quietest of all Jesus & Mary Chain LPs.

The feature track, fittingly was “Hole” since that is what I was trying to do.

Although I doubt the Reid brothers have ever taken up golf in their years as The Jesus and Mary Chain, the lyrics of the song seem to describe my history with the game. Here is the opening-

It was a thrilling time, putting and jamming. Perhaps, as you will see, it is more accurately described as jamming and putting as I was enjoying the tunes so much that I had put my putter to a better use.

At the end of my round, the gentleman running the course rushed out to greet me. “That was the greatest pre- shot routine I have ever seen he gushed. What were ye listening to?” I told him. It was The Jesus & Mary Chain from East Kilbride.

He was non- plussed about the choice of music as I am sure he regularly has seniors on these historic putting links playing air guitar with their putters whilst jamming to The Jesus & Mary Chain!”

[Ed. Note- rex can’t believe he just called himself a bloody “senior”.]

The Manager was so genuinely excited he asked for it to go on their Facebook page! Done.

Before I had finished my round, both Kimberly and Hannah B were watching from the dune beside the course. Kim took some photos.

Daughter Courts, the technical adviser for gwrexunderground365, used the Tic Tok app (but the content is not in Tic Tok she she assures me) to fashion a short montage that contains a clip of the song. See the end of the post for this…

After that it was on to the Old Course Hotel and their Jigger Inn for some outstanding fish and chips washed down with a shot of Fearann Mar gin!

Another spectacular day at The Home Of Golf!!

And, fittingly, it can now be truthfully said that “The Jesus & Mary Chain have played St. Andrews!”

Here is the real song played without an air guitar putter-

SPOTIFY-

https://open.spotify.com/track/1rgrvmPgNS3lB4zPrydiPR?si=QI0oEY4sS7yOC_kNh1EeDQ

(SONG 779)

PLAY LOUD OR PERISH (Because you must always remember that there are very few gimmies out there in the game of life and you should laugh at yourself and your good fortune whenever you can….)

May 22, 2024